How to overcome the desires for revenge?
- Go for coffee or a movie and try to engage with your friends. This will help take your mind off your desires and make you feel happy, instead of stressed or angry. Let time pass. Over time, you will process your emotions, and the desire for revenge will become less intense.
- 1 How do I stop being obsessed with revenge?
- 2 Why do I keep thinking about revenge?
- 3 What emotion causes revenge?
- 4 What happens to the brain when someone thinks of revenge?
- 5 What does the Bible say about revenge?
- 6 How do you deal with a vengeful person?
- 7 What is the best revenge quote?
- 8 Can revenge be justified?
- 9 What is the best way for revenge?
- 10 What is the root of revenge?
- 11 Is revenge the strongest emotion?
- 12 What part of the brain controls revenge?
- 13 Is revenge a sin in the Bible?
- 14 How do you know if someone is vindictive?
- 15 5 ways to overcome feelings of revenge
- 16 How to Overcome Deep Seated Desires for Revenge
- 17 About This Article
- 18 Did this article help you?
- 19 The Complicated Psychology of Revenge
- 20 7 Reasons Why Seeking Revenge Is A Bad Idea
- 21 1. It won’t make you feel better.
- 22 2. In fact, it might make you feel worse.
- 23 3. It could backfire.
- 24 4. You are wasting precious time.
- 25 5. Because, karma.
- 26 6. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
- 27 7. You could get caught in an endless revenge loop.
- 28 FAQs
- 29 Spirituality: Voices of Faith — How do faithful deal with revenge?
How do I stop being obsessed with revenge?
Go for coffee or a movie and try to engage with your friends. This will help take your mind off your desires and make you feel happy, instead of stressed or angry. Let time pass. Over time, you will process your emotions, and the desire for revenge will become less intense.
Why do I keep thinking about revenge?
“People who are more vengeful tend to be those who are motivated by power, by authority and by the desire for status,” he says. “They don’t want to lose face.” In his study, McKee surveyed 150 university students who answered questions about their attitudes toward revenge, authority and tradition, and group inequality.
What emotion causes revenge?
People seek revenge when: They feel they have been attacked and suffered some unjust loss or injury. As a result they are feeling anger, hate, jealousy, envy, or shame. They are humiliated, especially if they are made to feel powerless, foolish, ridiculous, stupid, or ashamed.
What happens to the brain when someone thinks of revenge?
But in fact, revenge has the opposite effect. Even though the first few moments feel rewarding in the brain, psychological scientists have found that instead of quenching hostility, revenge prolongs the unpleasantness of the original offense.
What does the Bible say about revenge?
The Apostle Paul says in Romans chapter 12, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “ It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
How do you deal with a vengeful person?
Coping with vindictiveness in your relationship
- Set boundaries.
- Vocalize your terms or boundaries.
- Don’t second-guess yourself.
- Try not to internalize.
- Shelter from their anger.
- Develop a safety plan.
- Consider asking for help.
- Suggest they seek help.
What is the best revenge quote?
“ Revenge proves its own executioner. ” “Often those that criticise others reveal what he himself lacks.” “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” “When someone is mean to me, I just make them a victim in my next book.”
Can revenge be justified?
However, if the victim of the crime believes the system has brought proportionate punishment upon the criminal, then the individual has also been avenged. Since both the state and victim have achieved appropriate retribution, the act can be considered justified revenge.
What is the best way for revenge?
The Best Revenge Ideas That Won’t Make You A Bad Person
- Forgive them. They might hurt you, but playing revenge cannot be right.
- Talk to them nicely. They might be evil, but I know you are a nice person.
- Talk to someone else.
- Move on.
- Make them regret.
- Be a better you.
- Let karma speaks.
What is the root of revenge?
The first records of the word revenge come from the 1300s. It comes from the Old French revenger, from the Late Latin revindicāre, from the Latin verb vindicāre, meaning “to protect,” “to avenge,” or “to punish.” The words vengeance, avenge, vindicate, and vindictive are all based on the same root.
Is revenge the strongest emotion?
Revenge is a powerful emotional trigger that mobilises people into action.
What part of the brain controls revenge?
Summary: A new neuroimaging study reveals the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex plays a vital role in suppressing the act of revenge. Source: University of Geneva. The desire for revenge can be the consequence of a feeling of anger.
Is revenge a sin in the Bible?
Yes it’s a sin, God said vengeance belongs to him.
How do you know if someone is vindictive?
A vindictive person has misguided pain. They feel frustrated, helpless, hurt or ignored and are unable to change their circumstances without ensuring that they affect others in the meantime. They don’t have the necessary strength inside to find better ways to handle their feelings.
5 ways to overcome feelings of revenge
A few years ago, we witnessed a news report about an enraged guy who sought vengeance by shooting two journalists in the back of the head in cold blood. According to his own admission, he was a ticking time bomb, fueled by transgressions that looked to have been concocted in his imagination and ready to go off. He sought retribution and fame, regardless of the authenticity or illegitimacy of his grievances, as has been the trend in several public killings. Hopefully, the vast majority of us will never act in such a brutal manner.
Rather of allowing the need for vengeance to grow, one must learn to let go and discover constructive ways to combat injustice.
The Bible informs us that the Lord is the one who exacts vengeance.
Revenge does not bring about a positive outcome.
Neither has a positive effect on the physical body, but both are detrimental to the one seeking retribution.
We must have faith that God will deal with them in His own time and manner.
- Take your time to talk and to grow enraged. (See also James 1:19). Because revenge is driven by sentiments of rage and hatred, it is important not to hang on to such emotions as they arise. Anger that is out of control is harmful. So think about what you can do to better regulate your anger. Take a look at your heart. What exactly do you want? (Proverbs 14:17) Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, take a minute to reflect. Consider the question: What is it that drives me to want vengeance? Examine the motivations of your heart. Reconsider your actions after a little time of reflection
- Pay attention to your feelings It is important to acknowledge your feelings and then let them go. Techniques for calming down should be practiced. Proverbs 16:32 says that if you do not do what is right, you will suffer the consequences. According to Proverbs 29:11, Recognize and accept the emotion. Okay, you’re a little enraged. Things were not handled in a professional manner. Anger itself is not a sin
- But, what we do in our anger can lead to transgression. Expelling fury will only serve to amplify it. As a result, take note of it and give it to the Lord. Cast your concerns on Him, and don’t let your rage spiral out of control. The Bible says in Proverbs 19:19 that a man’s heart is in his mouth. When our rage grows hotter and hotter, we lose our objectivity and are unable to make sound judgments. Basically, the region of our brain that is responsible for thinking is no longer functioning properly. This is why maintaining your composure is so vital. You will be able to keep the reasoning half of your brain from being hijacked by the emotion part of your brain if you surround yourself with others who practice self-control. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:24 that The individuals in your immediate vicinity have power. If you are continually urged to seek revenge, act out, and cause violence, you may find yourself in a situation where you regret your actions. Instead, surround yourself with persons who are familiar with the Scriptures and who will urge you to forgive and let go of past wrongs.
Revenge only leads to further destruction—both for you and for people in your immediate vicinity. Retribution has no place in the heart of a believer’s soul. However, we may resist injustice and hold people accountable, but in the end, God will judge and deal with those who treat us unjustly and with whom we disagree. God claims that vengeance is his, not ours. It is our responsibility to forgive, resist injustice, and go on in life. 5 Strategies for Dealing with Feelings of Revenge
More from Dr. Linda Mintle
Revenge only leads to further destruction—both for you and for people in your immediate environment. A believer’s heart does not have any room for vengeance. However, we may resist injustice and hold people accountable, but God will ultimately judge and deal with those who treat us unfairly. Retribution, according to God, belongs to him alone, and not to us. Forgiveness, fighting for justice, and moving on are all things that we must do. 5 Strategies for Dealing with Feelings of Vengefulness
Living with hate
Hatred is a powerful emotion. As Dr. Linda Mintle explains, we must learn to deal with and move through hatred in order to avoid allowing it to consume our thoughts and actions.
Physical ways to de-stress
Dr. Linda Mintle walks you through three strategies you may employ to de-stress and release the tensions you’re experiencing in your body, all of which are free of charge.
Making a change
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Yes, the calendar has turned over to a new year. Are you planning to make a New Year’s resolution? Are you thinking of making a fresh start?
If you are anything like me, you have a few items on your to-do list during the first few days of the new year. And there’s no better moment than right now to start over. Right? Well, that’s not precisely true. You’ve probably heard of Christmas in July, but what about New Year’s Eve.
How to Overcome Deep Seated Desires for Revenge
Article in PDF format Article in PDF format Someone may have harmed you, and you feel compelled to pursue retribution and revenge against them. You are embarrassed or have suffered a loss of dignity, and you intend to pursue retaliation in the aim of regaining your dignity. Retaliation, on the other hand, may entail violence or unnecessarily cruel treatment of another individual. Acting on your need for vengeance is unlikely to provide you any relief, and it may even bring you additional pain and suffering.
- 1 Recognize and understand the fundamental emotions. As a result of being humiliated by your assailant, you feel guilty for allowing it to happen. Such sentiments may drive you to get enraged, which may lead to your desire to seek retribution.
- Because emotions are physically felt, it is important to recognize the physical indicators of each emotion in order to keep them under control. Example: When you are upset, your blood pressure increases, your shoulders get hot, and heat radiates from the back of your head. Your emotions can influence your decision-making by allowing you to have a stronger emotional connection to each decision. When you are upset, you are more likely to make impulsive judgments than when you are joyful.
- 2 Make a written record of your emotions. The act of putting your sentiments into words might assist you in coming to terms with them and gaining clarity about your thinking. Making a written record of your sentiments will assist you in reducing the intensity of your emotions as well as your deep-seated need for vengeance.
- If you are uncomfortable with the idea of writing your sentiments down on paper, consider talking about them with someone else. Find a trustworthy friend or family member and tell them everything that is going on, including how you are feeling, who was involved, the reasons for seeking vengeance, how you believe retribution will make you feel, and so forth.
- s3 Meditate. To begin, find a quiet place to sit on the floor and close your eyes, concentrating on taking slow, deep breaths. You should strive to rid your mind of all negative ideas while you are meditating and concentrate on the good aspects of your life.
- In recent studies, it has been demonstrated that mediation may help to alleviate stress and can be an effective coping method for dealing with your urge for vengeance. It has the ability to slow down your thoughts and make you feel calm and concentrated
- 4 Recite self-calming sentences to yourself. It is possible that your emotions will become overwhelming and difficult to manage. Try repeating positive affirmations to yourself at these times to remind yourself that even if you are not in control of the event, you are in control of your response. Some mantras that you might want to try repeating to yourself include
- “Things might be worse,” says the author. “I shall be in control of my response to this individual’s activities.”
- “I am certain that I will make it through this.” “This is merely a temporary situation.”
- 1/Exhaust your frustrations in a positive manner. The desire for vengeance is frequently accompanied by feelings of anger and resentment. Make an effort to find a healthy outlet for your negative feelings. Try engaging in an activity that makes you happy or listening to music that corresponds to your emotions. Alternatively, you may attempt cooking or composing a poem.
- When you are experiencing bad feelings, exercise is a good release. Exercise generates hormones that improve your mood and relieves tension connected with suppressing your drive for vengeance
- It also helps you lose weight.
- 2Take acts that are more aggressive than those of your enemy. Consider taking the high road and doing something that will elevate you beyond your adversary’s level and establish you as the bigger and more accomplished person. For example, if your adversary made fun of you because you performed poorly on a test, instead of seeking retaliation, you should focus your efforts on studying even harder for the next test in order to achieve the highest possible mark. Your adversary will be unable to continue his ridicule of you for the foreseeable future. Take the high road and you will feel good about yourself since you will have accomplished something fantastic, as well as putting a halt to the acts of your enemy. Make a list of possible ways to exact revenge, and then toss the paper in the trash. Consider all of the conceivable methods of retaliation against your adversary, ranging from moderate to heinous. Among other things, you may completely ignore someone, block her on social media, undercut her efforts, send her harsh texts anonymously, publicly shame her, and so on. Consider your options for retaliation and make predictions about how you will feel after each one. As soon as you have considered your options, tear up the sheet of paper and enjoy the relief of having done so. Try to find solace in the company of your friends and relatives. Humans are social beings that require interaction with and support from others in order to thrive. Consider seeking the company of others when you are experiencing particularly tough times fighting your urge for retribution. You are under no obligation to express your sentiments or desires. Take your pals out for coffee or to see a movie, and make an effort to interact with them. This can assist you in diverting your attention away from your demands and causing you to feel pleased rather than anxious or furious
- 5 Allow time to pass. Over time, you will be able to digest your feelings, and your need for vengeance will diminish in intensity. As time passes, you will lose interest in pursuing vengeance and will instead devote your attention to more essential aspects of your life.
- With the passage of time, things become more comprehensible. If you can recognize what is essential in your life, you will be able to choose whether seeking revenge is worth the effort and potential repercussions.
- 1 Have a conversation with the individual. If at all feasible, engage in a conversation with your adversary in order to better understand his point of view. If he refuses to answer, ask him questions such as, “Is there something particular I did to anger you?” Alternatively, “What can I do to put things right between you and me?” Instead of being condescending or combative, try to be understanding and empathic.
- It may be tough to confront your enemy in person, so you may try messaging or emailing him or her instead. Written words, on the other hand, may have a different tone than your genuine intended, and they may be misunderstood.
- 2 Show sympathy towards others. Make an effort to be compassionate about your enemy, both personally and indirectly. She may be going through a difficult moment in her life or she may lack the necessary abilities to cope with specific circumstances in a mature and effective manner. Recognize that your enemy is a living, breathing human being with feelings
- In order to have a better understanding of your adversary’s feelings, you should try to open your heart to her and put yourself in her shoes.
- 3 Recognize that you do not have complete control over your foe. When you choose to forgive someone, keep in mind that this does not always imply that your enemy has forgiven you as well. Neither you nor your adversary have any influence over his or her actions or sentiments. Although this is true, it has no influence on your decision to forgive.
- Give up the illusion of control by submitting yourself and placing your faith in the fact that everything will work out in the end. Allow yourself to let go of the hold you believe you have on your enemy in order to help yourself forgive him.
- 4 Recognize that forgiveness is entirely up to you. The difference between forgiveness and reconciliation is that reconciliation needs both parties to work together, whereas forgiveness just requires you to work on yourself. Rather than absolving someone of responsibility, forgiveness merely implies that you acknowledge what has occurred and are prepared to go on with your life.
- Accept that you are alone responsible for your own forgiveness. The difference between forgiveness and reconciliation is that reconciliation involves both parties to work together, whereas forgiveness merely asks you to do your part on your own. Rather of absolving someone of responsibility, forgiveness merely implies that you acknowledge what has occurred and are prepared to move on from the situation.
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- Understand that your actions have repercussions, and that if you act on your wishes for vengeance, more negativity may occur. Forgiveness allows you to feel a greater spectrum of emotions since it frees up more energy inside yourself to do so. Even if the other person does not change, you may find that more great opportunities open up for you as a result of forgiving a person for simply being a person. Maintain a safe environment, cultivate healthy empathetic regard for yourself, and handle your emotions properly, and you will find life enjoyable.
- If you are experiencing an uncontrolled need for vengeance, seek the assistance of a medical expert such as a therapist or counselor to help you cope with your feelings.
About This Article
Although it’s normal to seek vengeance when someone has wronged you or your family, there are more constructive methods to deal with the emotion. To channel your energy in a healthy way, try exercising, listening to music, or doing something creative. You may also speak about your sentiments with your family, friends, or a counselor, which can often be beneficial in helping you to process your unpleasant emotions. Keep in mind that seeking vengeance against the individual will have no positive effect on your life.
If you let your emotions to take their course, they will diminish with time and you will no longer be bothered by them.
Did you find this overview to be helpful?
Did this article help you?
Image courtesy of Kill Bill/Flickr Creative Commons It is the purpose of this piece to outline the reasons why, both morally and pragmatically, your position on revenge should be clearly negative. As evidence for my own negative viewpoint on this all-too-common occurrence, I’ll include a significant number of statements that, in my opinion, reflect the wisest and most insightful thinking on the matter. And I’ll continue by outlining (again, with a great deal of “quoting support”) the most acceptable and fulfilling alternatives to avenging yourself against people who may have gravely harmed or wounded you.
- It is, however, what occurs when this inborn predisposition is really put into action that is the true issue here.
- Nonetheless, the raging rage you’re likely to experience after discovering you’ve been unfairly criticized or tricked nearly always results in the retaliatory drive of retribution.
- For in researching and writing this post, I came across around 500 statements on the subject, many of which expressed essentially the same thing, but in slightly different language.
- Ami Ayalon is a journalist and author.
- Thackeray Charlotte shrugged her shoulders.
- While retaliation isn’t far behind, it isn’t far behind either.
- Nonetheless, as reasonable as the desire for vengeance may be, there are five compelling reasons to reject it and go past the first temptation to—however “righteously”—retaliate against the person (or individuals) who has wronged you: 1.
That is, there’s something about it that doesn’t seem entirely civilized.
In other words, breaking the golden rule and blindly following one’s own obnoxious instincts isn’t something to be particularly proud of.
I am a firm believer in the “eye for an eye” business model.
I have no regard for a man who is unwilling to fight back.
The immature mentality of someone who feels that retribution is somehow identical with personal honor and self-respect comes to mind while reading this phrase (and dangerously confuses revenge with justice).
To be clear, they don’t: The second mistake simply serves to compound an already dire circumstance, while simultaneously compromising your own humanity to a substantial degree.
“Christianethicsprescribe that you should not seek vengeance on others.
If you refuse to submit, you will be damned to endless torment as a form of vengeance that is entirely out of proportion to the offence.” — Jo Nesbo, author “The alternating control of one side over another, exacerbated by the spirit of retribution inherent in party strife, which has perpetrated the most horrendous enormities in many epochs and nations, is itself a horrible dictatorship,” writes the author.
- – President George Washington Furthermore, examine the angry sadism of this hyperbolically (ludicrously?) spiteful curse as follows: “Wishing the crotch of the person who has ruined your day with their fleas a thousand camels’ worth of infestation.
- It is possible that revenge will have devastating material, psychological, and spiritual ramifications.
- The pain will cause internal damage to things that would not have been damaged by the original agony.” Laurell K.
- “Someone once claimed that revenge is the only thing that costs more and provides less reward,” Aomame recalled.” Haruki Murakami is a writer who lives in Japan.
- Richelle E.
- “An eye for an eye will only lead to the blinding of the entire planet.” ― Mahatma Gandhi, in his autobiography (This is one of the most well-known—as well as the most damning—verdicts on vengeance.
In the same way, when someone criticizes us, our impulse is to look for phrases that are even more hurtful to respond with.
It’s never, never, never going to happen.” Adrian Phoenix is a writer and actor.
Taking revenge on someone else is either corrupt or corrupting in nature.
Fighting evil with equal or greater evil (i.e., “an eye for an eye”—or worse—doesn’t produce virtue in the avenger; on the contrary, it significantly destroys his or her goodness.
As a result, as several writers have clearly stated: “It’s a funny thing about vengeance.
“In the world of deception and betrayal, revenge, retaliation, retribution, and vengeance are all siblings; ugly, tempting devils that promise rightful repayment to a grieving soul for his losses.
Goodrich is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles.
“Ralph Steadman” is a fictional character created by author Ralph Steadman in the 1960s.
Jonathan Maberry is the author of this piece.
Planning and carrying out vengeance is a foolish, self-defeating, and even stupid endeavor.
“Revenge only leads to further suffering since inflicting misery on others has never resulted in happier outcomes.” — Refaeli Bar Refaeli In many cases, revenge is as simple as attacking a dog because you were bitten by a dog.
“First and foremost, prepare two graves before embarking on a voyage of vengeance.” Confucius was a Chinese philosopher who lived in the 4th century BCE.
Laura Hillenbrand is credited with inventing the phrase A revenge wish would bring upon the wisher a hurt that is equal to or worse than the one prayed for before the wisher even realizes what has happened.” — APPLICATION CLAMP “Revenge is always a losing proposition.
“Revenge is the most understandable and manipulable of all the emotions,” says the author.
“Revenge was the most meaningless of all feelings.
Caleb, Joshua Caleb “Revenge is not always pleasant; after it has been carried out, we feel inferior to our adversary.” — Emile M.
Take note of the overlap with number 4.
— Ohtaka Shinobu et al.
Daniel Craig is a fictional character created by the British author Daniel Craig in the 1990 film The Man with the Golden Gun.
— Proverb from Persia Revenge is not something that can be kept a secret for long.
Herman Melville was a writer and poet who lived in the United States throughout the nineteenth century.
Moonzajer is a writer and poet.
— Pope Alexander III Revenge is its own executioner, as the saying goes.
Lili Wilkinson is a writer and poet.
— Friedrich Schiller It is useless to meet revenge with revenge; it will heal nothing.
Tolkien I’d killed him in the end, but revenge only makes things all better in the movies.
— Jeremy Taylor Now let’s take a look at the best alternatives to acting out one’s indignity through ruthless retaliation.
Yet to let go of such a primal impulse requires that you somehow assimilate—or better, “self-heal”—your perceived injury.
So, with the supporting quotes below, it’s wise to think about how you could: 1.
The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.
— Spanish Proverb In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.
— Friedrich Nietzsche Life can be savored only if you look to the future and leave vengeance to the gods.
I shall forget it.
You might find that “wrong” was actually “right”, just disguised in a wicked wrap.
Transcend Revenge Through Forgivenes.
Nick Wechsler is a writer and editor.
Josh Billings is the author of this piece.
Love serves as the cornerstone for such an approach.
This will help us to avoid thinking about these things.
Marianne Williamson is a writer and activist.
Redirect your rage towards achieving your objectives, whether they are related to love, success, or attaining a state of well-being.
Your statements will only serve to motivate me to work even harder to outdo you!” In this case, it is advantageous because the original taunt or insult serves to motivate the individual to achieve personal success.
Instead of inciting retaliation towards the perpetrator of the perceived injustice, they are motivated to try even harder to achieve their highest objectives as a result of it.
The fact that they were successful in realizing their ambitions placed them in an advantageous position relative to their opponents (secondary).
And their ultimate victory does not consist so much in defeating their adversaries as it does in defeating their adversaries’ unfavorable expectations of them in the process.
Think about the sensible and forward-looking counsel provided by the quotes below.
– Theodore Roosevelt Love is the most effective form of retribution.
Frank Sinatra was a famous American singer and songwriter.
Vanessa Williams is a well-known actress.
Eddie Vedder is a rock and roll musician.
Joyce Carol Oates is a writer and poet.
– First lady Ivana Trump The desire for vengeance is, in the end, the most powerful motivator.
I felt so brutally alone that I promised to the world that I would exact vengeance on them by becoming a well-known cartoonist.
Revenge is a dish that is best served in print!
The majority of triumphs are, in the best possible way, acts of vengeance.
The people who had the greatest impact on me were the ones who predicted that I would never make it.
Colin Mochrie is the author of this piece.
They claim that acting is theshyman’s way of getting back at him.
They pay extra to meet me backstage and after shows, and I pretend not to know them in front of their friends.
Executing vengeance on the brutalized kid that lies within is the most wonderful delight in the entire world.
And keep in mind that this final bunch of statements may be summed by one extra phrase, which (I guarantee) will be instantly recognized by everyone in the room.
Don’t Confuse Revenge with Justice: Five Key Differences is a companion essay that may be of interest to you since it draws important contrasts between justice and revenge. You can read it here. All rights reserved by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in 2014 and beyond.
The Complicated Psychology of Revenge
A group of Swiss academics performed a brain scan on persons who had been harmed during an economic exchange game a few years ago. The results were interesting. After placing their faith in their spouses to divide a large sum of money with them, these individuals discovered that their partners had opted to retain the money for themselves. The participants were then given the opportunity to punish their greedy companions, and the researchers recorded the activity in their brains for a whole minute as they pondered retaliating against their greedy mates.
- Those who have been scorned have been stating for years, and the data published in the journal Science in 2004 provided physiological evidence of what they have been saying: Revenge is a delicious taste in the mouth.
- It is as timeless as Homer and Hamlet, and as current as Don Corleone and Quentin Tarantino; it is as ancient as the trade in eyeballs and teeth described in the Bible, and as recent as the raid that took the life of Osama bin Laden’s bodyguard.
- It takes a tremendous amount of time, mental and physical energy, and sometimes even lives, to carry out retribution in its true implementation.
- Many ways in which the practice of vengeance fails to live up to the pleasant expectations that are associated with it have been identified by psychology scientists in recent years.
- They have also discovered that, rather than bringing about justice, retribution frequently merely serves to perpetuate a vicious cycle of retaliation, in part because one person’s moral balance seldom coincides with another’s.
- Keeping Wounds Green is important.
- This belief, which is still widely accepted in popular culture, holds that expressing one’s anger finally helps to cleanse it from one’s system.
- In a 2002 article published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, APS Fellow Brad Bushman of The Ohio State University found that persons who had allegedly expressed their anger had higher levels of hostility than those who had done nothing at all.
- APS Fellows and Charter Members Timothy Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard collaborated on a recent series of tests led by Kevin Carlsmith of Colgate University.
- As Wilson and Gilbert have often discovered, individuals make significant errors when anticipating how they will feel about something in the future; with Carlsmith, they investigated if people may be mistaken about the projected emotional rewards of vengeance.
- As an inducement to invest, the researchers pledged to grow the group’s total by 40% before sharing the increased pot among all four members.
Consequently, the researchers created a classic experimental dilemma, in which it was determined that while it was best for the group for all four members to donate their dollar, it was best for the individual to keep their dollar while also receiving one-quarter of the final pot distribution, which grows as a result of the investments of the others — in other words, to be a “free rider.” At the conclusion of the experiment, participants realized that one of their number had served as a free rider, who had been discreetly controlled by the researchers.
- Some of the participants, referred to as “non-punishers,” were made aware of the moral infraction but were not given the opportunity to take any action against it.
- In order to replicate the personal cost of retribution, the option to punish was accompanied with a tiny charge.
- A last group, termed “forecasters,” did not have the authority to punish but did record their expectations of how they would feel if they did.
- Punishers reported feeling worse than non-punishers, despite the fact that they had the opportunity to exact retribution.
The researchers concluded in an issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published in 2008 that people mistakenly believe vengeance will make them feel better and help them gain closure, when in reality punishers are left to ruminate on their deed and feel worse than those who are unable to redress a wrong.
In a way, those who do not have the opportunity to exact retribution are obliged to go on and concentrate their efforts elsewhere.
The recent study of German psychology scientist Mario Gollwitzer has been motivated by the pursuit of this positive side effect of punishment.
“I was intrigued by the cases in which retribution may be’sweet,’ and I was curious as to what it is about revenge that makes it so delicious for the avenging party.” The experiments Gollwitzer has designed in the service of this interest have been exquisitely detailed, as the researcher himself has noted; after all, he argues, it takes “careful calibration” to elicit a strong response from participants while remaining within the ethical boundaries of institutional review boards.
- ) (One can’t help but wonder how much more we could learn about vengeance if researchers were permitted to murder a participant’s father and marry the mother, as one participant’s father was allowed to do.) Gollwitzer has looked at two different views on why revenge could be satisfying.
- This means that victims of wrongdoing who learn of an offender’s suffering should feel equally happy, regardless of whether they were directly responsible for the misery.
- Instead, the avenger must be satisfied that the offender has drawn a direct line of reasoning between the reprisal and the first conduct.
- The team received one raffle ticket for every properly answered anagram, which was awarded a gift voucher worth €25.
- The couples — who were actually study confederates – assigned virtually all of the tickets to themselves, despite the fact that the majority of participants picked an equal split.
- Approximately 60% of participants took use of this opportunity to the utmost extent possible, resulting in the partner receiving far less tickets than the initial fair allocation had offered.
- Other researchers would have stopped there, but Gollwitzer went the extra mile by offering avengers the opportunity to write a message to their spouse.
- The avengers then got one of two sorts of responses created by the researchers in response to their request.
- Other messages, which were intended to evaluate “comparative suffering,” showed no such comprehension and even voiced a little annoyance at the fact that their ticket total had been decreased.
- According to the results, vengeance can only be successful if the perpetrator knows why the act of vengeance has been carried out.
- Or, to put it another way, unrecognized vengeance felt no better than taking no action at all.
In Gollwitzer’s opinion, “the conclusion that it is the offender’s recognition of his crime that makes vengeance sweet appears to imply that — from the avenging party’s perspective – retribution carries a message.” “If the message is not given, it will be impossible to restore justice.” It’s either your justice or mine.
When a study team led by Cheryl Kaiser of Michigan State asked respondents about their belief in a just society, they were asked how much they agreed with phrases such as “I believe that people receive what they deserve.” The results were released in early 2001.
The researchers found in the journal Psychological Science in 2004 that the more a person had believed in a just universe before the assaults, the more grief this person experienced afterward — and the stronger this individual’s need for vengeance.
When a group of researchers led by Arlene Stillwell of the State University New York at Potsdam asked people to describe two events that had occurred in their lives, they were given the option of describing one in which they had responded to an offense with retribution and the other in which they had been on the receiving end of retribution.
In light of this shifting perspective, it is understandable why retribution frequently occurs in unending cycles; no sooner had the United States Navy Seals avenged September 11 by murdering Osama bin Laden than Al Qaeda pledged to pursue revenge for his death.
It will be difficult to bring a stop to the cycle of retribution in a way that both the avenger and the receiver will perceive as satisfactory, good, and fair because of the differing perceptions of the avenger and the recipient,” says the author.
Indeed, current findings generally corroborate this age-old urban legend: ” One in every five homicides that occurs in affluent nations is attributed to revenge, according to a 2002 survey, while between 1974 and 2000, three out of every five school shootings in the United States were motivated by vengeance, according to another report.
Rahm Emanuel is rumored to have hired a company called Enough is Enough to avenge a polling error, and while a recent phone call to this business revealed that it was no longer in operation, a newer outfit, AlibisPaybacks, is currently advertising its services in Los Angeles, according to the Los Angeles Times.
- In response to this apparent contradiction, many psychological scientists have come to believe that revenge is a product of evolution.
- They contend that individual acts of revenge function as group notifications that certain conduct will result in reprisal.
- When seen in this light, revenge delivers a significant cultural advantage — resulting in more cooperative, and hence more productive, societies — in return for the significant personal costs associated with it.
- The first method is through direct deterrent of criminal activity.
- The second consequence of vengeance is one that is indirect.
- In this view, a person’s reputation prevents the taking of retribution.
- According to McCullough, it is helpful to think about life as an early human in order to grasp this concept.
- If you fall asleep one night and the animal kills a neighbor’s child, this neglect is functionally equivalent to the animal directly murdering the neighbor’s child in the eyes of natural selection, according to the theory of evolution.
- As widespread as the desire for vengeance appears to be, modern civilization can take comfort in the fact that resisting the urge to retaliate is even more common.
- In today’s environment, the scales of justice are tipped more frequently than not in favor of forgiveness.
A secondary system has evolved, according to the researchers, known as the forgiveness instinct, which allows people to suppress their desire for vengeance and signal their willingness to continue on even after someone has harmed their interests, on the assumption that the person will not harm them again in the future.
That may not be the most uplifting understanding of how the brain regulates human connections, but it is at the very least a rather calm interpretation.
7 Reasons Why Seeking Revenge Is A Bad Idea
When someone hurts or betrays you, you may be tempted to bring them grief in return, but trust us when we say that this is never a smart idea. In this article, we will discuss seven reasons why pursuing revenge is a terrible idea:
1. It won’t make you feel better.
This quote from Shakespeare is a classic: “If you prick us, do we not bleed?” Why don’t we laugh when you tickle us? What happens if you poison us? Do we not die? And if you do us wrong, do you think we won’t take revenge?” Revenge may appear to be a rational – and even necessary – course of action. You could be under the impression that it would also bring significant respite from the agony that you are experiencing, as well as some kind of fulfillment. Unfortunately, research has shown that people who seek retribution instead of forgiving or letting go tend to feel worse in the long term as a result.
2. In fact, it might make you feel worse.
As much as I would hate to break it to you, if you consider yourself to be a good human being, giving someone else misery or pain (whether or not you believe they are deserving of it) may not result in the grin on your face that you had hoped for. Even more seriously, it may make you feel worse; you may be tempted to feel guilty, sad, or regretful – and these types of emotions tend to stay and weigh heavily on your conscience. While you may be feeling hurt or betrayed right now, you will be able to put those feelings behind you in time.
3. It could backfire.
In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “An eye for an eye only ends up rendering the whole world blind.” Consider the ramifications of your conduct – you can find yourself in trouble with a teacher or a parent for pursuing vengeance after an incident. You can even end up putting yourself in danger. What exactly is there to gain? It is more preferable to protect oneself against the danger of future trauma than to risk it. Concentrate on the positive aspects of your life and consider how you may go ahead while keeping the person who has damaged you firmly in the past.
4. You are wasting precious time.
“An eye for an eye only ends up making the entire world blind,” Gandhi once stated. Make a conscious effort to consider the consequences of your conduct – you can find yourself in trouble with a teacher or your parents for pursuing retribution. There is a possibility that you will put yourself at risk. Who knows what can be won in the long run. Far better to avoid the chance of more trauma than to live with the consequences of it. Rather than dwelling on the negative aspects of your life, consider how you might move ahead while permanently forgetting about the person who has wronged you.
5. Because, karma.
Karma is a lot better friend than an adversary, whether you believe in it or not – so make sure to stay on the good side of it by following these guidelines:
6. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Fact: Attempting to retaliate against someone who has harmed you will not reverse their previous deeds. Take charge and act as a mature adult; you will be grateful in the long run for your actions.
7. You could get caught in an endless revenge loop.
Fact: Attempting to retaliate against someone who has harmed you will not reverse their acts. Decide to do the right thing and be the larger person – you will be pleased you did in the long run!
What exactly is vengeance? Revenge is defined as the act of injuring or damaging someone in retaliation for a grievance or injustice that has been committed against them. What is an illustration of vengeance? If someone calls you a derogatory term, one form of retaliation would be to call them a derogatory name in return. Is vengeance beneficial to your health? No. It will not help you feel better, and in fact, it will most likely make you feel worse. Spend your time thinking about and experiencing pleasant things.
Spirituality: Voices of Faith — How do faithful deal with revenge?
Q. What, if anything, does your religious tradition have to say about vengeance? We certainly like exacting vengeance and extracting our pound of flesh from those who have wronged us in the past. The Bible, on the other hand, is unequivocal in its teaching that pursuing retribution is never the appropriate thing to do for anyone. Chapter 12, verse 19 of the Bible is a good place to start “”Never take revenge on yourself, but leave it to the anger of God, because it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ declares the Lord in the Book of Romans.” “In God’s plan, we are to love those who despise us, to pray for those who mistreat us, to do good to those who detest us, and to turn the other cheek when we are attacked.
In other words, the government is required to function on the basis of rigorous justice, but a person is never required to do so.
The Redding Reformed Fellowship is a Christian organization in Redding, California.
Jesus commanded us to love our adversaries and to do good to those who despise and despise upon us.
The impulse to exhibit retribution when we are wronged or abused was well understood by him.
He saw that by encouraging us to love those who abuse us, he was asking us to grow spiritually, to live from our indwelling divinity.
The fact that we accept maltreatment from others and choose to turn the other cheek, as Jesus instructed, indicates that we are not responding in kind.
Carolyn Warnemuende is a writer and editor based in New York City.
It is not our responsibility to think about, worry about, or do anything about it.
It is understandable that this leads many people to assume that God is trying to punish them, and it is precisely this style of thinking that some people exploit to demonstrate exactly how dreadful a God in whom they believe may be.
In Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit, God desires to forgive and redeem us.
He restores us to a healthy connection with him because he cares for each of us and would rather not condemn any of us for our mistakes.
We have the option of accepting or rejecting the provision.
You are faced with a decision.
a lay leader named Jim White Weaverville Church of the Nazarene is a congregation of Nazarene believers in the town of Weaverville, Indiana.
Revenge is defined as the act of inflicting injury or harm in retaliation for wounding or harm.
Violence, or the infliction of wounds, is a restricted way of being, a distortion of what is natural, which is to love one another.
Lynn Fritz is a minister in the Episcopal Church. Redding’s Centers for Spiritual Living is a spiritual retreat center. The question for next week is: What, if anything, does someone have to give up in order to become a member of your faith?